Our little people are being just that… a smaller version of a grown-up. Then like the flick of a switch, your angel is channelling something from the exorcist. Tears, cursing, violence and defiance. You can’t seem to stop them unravelling and you can’t work out why they’re doing it.
There’s a truck-load of do’s and don’t published – particularly on the internet. Everyone claiming to be an expert seems to feel compelled to offer the secrets to treating naughty children with a good dose of behavioral correction.
Stop! The good news, this is normal. The bad news, this is normal. Our little people aren’t little adults, they’re children and their brains are still developing.
We all know that already – right?
What we often forget is that we – as parents and carers to the future generation – are striving to be the best at what we do.
A recent study (one of those small scale American survey’s that I’d normally not give any credit to) found that parents work hard to be even better parents than they already are, which is damn good parents.
What’s more, 91% said parenting is their greatest joy. Sure a big chunk said that parenting is their biggest challenge too!
So what’s the link between feeling like a good parent /carer and fixing naughty behaviour? Everything.
Our little people get tired, hungry, overstimulated, have a determination to do things themselves and can’t control their impulses.
We know that. And we know that we can’t live our daily lives to cater to every scenario that induced children to behave perfectly.
We have to shop, cook, go to the doctors, do chores – all of which take our focus away from that all consuming, demanding little person who hasn’t yet learnt to cope with all this disruption. That take years and years to learn. And all that learning can be exhausting.
On the stay at home days when their routine is normal; meals are calm; naps and rests are undisturbed; playtime is just enough and not too much; every child is perfect.
The irony is that these are the days we all cherish, but what other people judge us on are the other days when we are in public and we’ve a million other things on our mind.
As actor Justin Baldoni showed us last month, a meltdown in the grocery store is normal. What’s important is we don’t teach them to hide those feelings or push them down for fear of ridicule — that kind of emotion-management can come back to haunt us as adults. Working through our feelings, or just having a good cry right there in the middle of the grocery store, is an important skill to learn.
Recognise that our children’s feelings and behaviour is appropriate to their developmental stage and let them experience those feelings by staying present and loving rather than judging them.
Whatever you do, be gentle with yourself and your child. Parenting and growing up are both hard.
