It’s a generational thing. The bond between grandchildren and their grandparents can be so special, it often goes unrecognised until it’s too late.
My sons were close to my parents. We all lived in the same house (semi-detached) until my eldest son was five years old.
My parents had occupied very gender stereotypical roles — my mother cooked, cleaned and was the primary carer while my father was the financial provider for the household.
My father was a hard-working builder who had never changed my nappy as a baby, but as a grandfather it was a different story. Age had mellowed him, and the grandchildren brought him so much joy. He’d play and laugh with them and give them comfort when they scraped their knees. He made them wooden toys and over the years taught them patience and the type of practical skills that come in handy as an adult – like carpentry and mechanics.
My mother taught my sons to sew tapestry pictures, knit little squares and to be adept in the kitchen. And best of all, she took them on holidays – even as teenagers!
Those early years of bonding between my sons and their grandparents led to a close and long-lasting and loving relationship. One that withstood geographical distance many years before the internet was invented.
Closing generation gaps
Now that I am a grandparent whose heart melts when one of my grandchildren looks at me, I have wondered what it is about grandparents that kids love?
Kids can be intrigued by the appearance of grey hair or wrinkles, but modern grandparents are often very active and working full-time – far from the stereotypical old grandparent, the modern grandparent can be quite youthful in comparison.
Compared to generation gaps in previous eras, the divide today is more like stepping over a toy car rather than swimming across the heads of Sydney Harbour.
Along with being savvy users of technology, today’s grandparents can also be involved in sports, or are keen gardeners who are happy to encourage bug collecting and weeding, and the most favourite – watering the plants. It’s not that parents don’t encourage these activities at home, but from a kid’s perspective doing them with someone who is totally focussed on them, in a kind and patient way without any expectations, is more fun.
Even grumpy grandmas and grandpas seem to relate to their little relatives in a very different way to how they relate to other people in their lives – including their own children! It’s not intentional. In fact, there is some science behind the explanation, which I won’t go into – you can google it if you’re interested.
Digital connections to grandparents
Mobile phones are the best! I get Facetime with both my Western Australian and Canberra grandchildren and I am sent photos nearly every day. I received this one last week and tears welled up in my eyes. I wish I had been there at that moment to witness my grandson cooking bacon and eggs for the family dog. But I am equally grateful that I received the photos and felt my heart melt with great joy.
With such regular updates I know almost as much about the progress of my grandchildren as if I were living in next door.
We all lead busy lives and it takes time and effort to build and maintain relationships. Both my daughter-in-laws make a conscious effort to include me in the lives of my grandchildren.
Parents might expect that there is some sort of reward for putting in any effort to help build the grandparent connection. It might seem selfish to some, but we’ve all heard the horror stories about relationships between in-laws and the peace-keeping methods deployed to maintain harmony in a marriage.
With such stories in the back of my mind, I can only say that the reward may not be obvious to begin with, but you’ll never know the benefits until you put your heart and soul into making a long-term effort.
The outcome will be great for everyone involved, and especially for the children.
If it weren’t for my sons spending their school holidays down the coast with their grandparents, I would have found being a working single mother even more difficult. But, more importantly, experiences with the oldies taught them different perspectives on life and current affairs. They learnt compassion, and how to be kind and helpful… the list goes on and on.
The memories and love my sons had for their grandparents lives on, long after they are gone.
For me, being actively involved in the lives of my grandchildren has given me a renewed purpose in life. One that is full of fun and unconditional love. I am grateful that I have been allowed to have a ‘grandma’ role in the lives of my grandchildren. It is so very special.
