Making the connection between my kids, the worth of my parenting efforts and my personal wellbeing wasn’t one I made automatically. I learnt the hard way — by making mistakes and finding solutions. And solutions weren’t as easy to find as they are today — there was no internet!
I could have remained an overly busy mum who ran a perfect household, sacrificed spending time with my sons to satisfy my employer’s demands, and suffered the health consequences of such decisions.
But against what seemed overwhelming odds, I managed to find a way that gave me what I wanted and more importantly, what I needed.
Defining enrichment
What is enrich: to improve the quality of something by adding something else
Nearly all of the challenges I faced during those early years have no equal comparison outside of the parenting role. They are not traits that I was born with; they have been learned through mindfulness and sharing in these mindful experiences with my children.
Of course, I didn’t know at the time just how profound these experiences were, or how they impacted upon the future relationships I would have with my sons.
So I thought I would share this with you…
Forming deep bonds
Do you watch your child’s [insert sport] game? I have done this often. For my boys, it was soccer. I wasn’t one of those parents who yelled from the sideline – not often anyway. I did something else – I took photos. Not just of my sons, but of the whole team as they ran up and down the field. I watched those little feet run as fast as they could, make big ambitious kicks and saw the face of many happy — and some sad — moments. And I recorded it all with my camera.
The photos allowed me to share the experience again with my son after the game. I could distribute the good photos to parents of the other children on the team too!
Taking photos was one of the ways of being with my child while he was independently playing with his team. It was how I supported him and it allowed him to re-live his experience, and share it with me.
The most enjoyable and most memorable moments of my life have been those shared with my sons.
My eldest son and his mates taught be to snowboard! (Sorry, no photos)! An experience that was sprung upon me out of generosity and deep connections.
I used to take them all fishing for a few days before Christmas. We didn’t catch anything but we used to spend days watching water and sand move, and birds catch fish. We talked, shared stories and laughed. I learnt to listen and hear what they felt, and they learnt I was on their side.
These shared experiences are moments when mindfulness can allow deep bonds with your children to build. The kind of bonds that children need to be willing to adopt a parent as their confidante, mentor and mature friend when they need it. And they need it most during their teenage years.
It’s not over yet
At various stages of my life, I doubted myself and wondered where my children would land as adults. Would they be healthy? Would they happy? Would they become parents? But I never assumed they would want me involved in their lives once they reached adulthood.
My parenting experience has shaped who I am today — someone who survived the tough times and enjoyed the fun ones; who juggled full-time work and my parenting role. Someone who has felt the pain of exhaustion and the exhilaration over the success of a child. An enriched woman because I remembered to breathe and be mindful of my feelings, my surroundings and my wellbeing.
I have no doubt my years of active parenting have led to me being a wiser, more compassionate, empathetic and less judgmental woman than I was prior to raising my sons.
It is only now that I have an active role in the lives of my grandchildren that I think making the connection between mindfulness and parental enrichment is very important.
I have shared some very important experiences with my children. And to my surprise, it is not over!
I can hear you say “OMG! That’s years away!”, but really it’s not…It’s just around the corner.
