Knowing when and how to breathe comes naturally, right? It is not always the case. Anxiety, stress, fear, shock are just some of the situations that cause me to hold my breath or breathe faster than I normally would. It wasn’t until anxiety, stress, fear and more frequent shocks were part of my ‘ordinary’ life that I learnt about the power of mindful breathing.
I was relatively young when I became a parent. I hadn’t built a career or done anything particularly noteworthy before this. I spent the first few years as a new parent living in the country on five acres surrounded by bushland. It was a peaceful existence. I had time to breathe, smell the roses, and pick wild blackberries with the kids. But life moved on and I became a single parent living in a small city.
Then, a monsoon hit. Work, day-care, school. Suddenly there was no time to breathe. Just an overwhelming sense of duty to meet every single need my children might have. Every minute of every day was regimented. I remember feeling out of control.
The enriching experience I had previously, enjoyed as a full-time parent, rapidly started to dissolve.
Learning to breathe again
My kids were wonderful, healthy, active and imaginative boys — they still are as grown-ups. I was determined to be actively involved in their lives — not a mum who felt too exhausted to spend time with them.
At some point, my doctor suggested I needed to learn to breathe again. I needed to calm down. I needed to rethink how I was reacting to the stressors in my life. Sounds easy, right?
Well of course, it wasn’t!!! Habits are hard to break. Relaxing, slowing down, switching my thoughts off and just being… I was in a phase of my life when I really needed to do this.
I needed to focus on my health. I HAD to prioritise my wellbeing so that I could have the kind of parenting experience that I wanted.
I had to take time to unwind and think about how I was spending my time. I regularly questioned the value of what I was doing in that moment. Was I sharing experiences with my boys that were meaningful for us all?
And I re-learnt to breathe. Seriously. It took years, with lots of relapses, but I eventually got there.
Breathing out slowly during stressful moments slows your heart rate down, which in turns calms you down. Being calm then allows you to focus.
I inhale for the count of four and exhale for the count of six. Feeling calm then allows me to be in the moment. To be mindful of how I feel, and to respond — calmly.
Back to nature
I also rediscovered feeling fabulous when I was outside with my sons. I was with them walking through parks, riding bikes, flying kites. We watched our native wildlife wriggle, crawl, fly; heard the sounds of creaking gums, rustling leaves, water flowing; and felt the warmth of the sun or the bitter cold wind fall against our skin. I was mindful of how I felt at these times. I focussed on the joy of being with my kids. And even reflecting on this today, I am amazed at how enriching these experiences were.
What I practised is now known as mindfulness. A lot is currently being written about mindfulness and its health benefits. Perhaps you have read some of it? If not, I’d encourage you to do so because I believe it was the single biggest influence in feeling that parenting is the most enriching experience a person can have.
And while I started out as a young and perhaps naive parent, I am far from being that person today.
Mindful experiences
Here are some easy mindful experiences you can do in the meantime:
- Nature Walk
From a very early age, you can take your child for a walk and introduce them to the beauty of nature. Point to the birds, pick flowers (make sure they’re edible) and let them touch stones and sticks. These early actions will lay the groundwork for your child to learn that nature is to be respected for the benefits it provides. - Explore beauty
Take photographs or draw something interesting or beautiful – like a seashell or an insect – encourage your child to look closely at details. - Connect with the Earth
Gardening encourages your child to notice how plants grow and their benefits. Encouraging your child to be in the here and now can give them skills to deal with the stress of study, work and play as they get older.
A connection
There is a connection between mindfulness and the feeling that parenting is an enriching experience.
I gave a few tips about enriching your parenting experience not too long ago. You can flick back to it and read it again, or for the first time if you missed it.
In this, the second blog post in the series, I’ve introduced some mindfulness activities for you and your child. But you may still be wondering how the two connect?
“How can practising mindfulness make me feel enriched by my parenting experience?”
I will explore this question in my next article. In the meantime, I have a question for you to reflect on… “Do you feel that walking side by side with your child is more important than any of the tasks you do throughout the day?”
Share your thoughts with me below in the comments, I’d love to read your answers!
