I remember that moment when I thought my job as a parent was nearly over. I had five years to go before my youngest son finished high school. Then I blinked — he’d graduated and started a new journey. Yeah! I’d done it! I had spent over 20 years diversifying my skills and broadening my knowledge for the benefit of another little person. In theory, he’d learnt everything he needed to know to survive the big adult world.
But what was I doing for all those years?
It’s a tough job being a parent. It’s also the most enriching experience a person can have in their lives, but it doesn’t come easy. Many parents struggle from what feels like one crisis to another. For some, the parenting experience is just one long bad dream.
It is only now as a grandparent that I can look back and reflect on what makes being a parent an enriching experience. And so I thought I’d share just a few things I believe that can make the difference.
Be mindful
The first thing is time. Time can’t be created out of thin air but how each of us spends our time can be prioritised so that we spend more time with our babies and children every day.
Time so as to immerse yourself in the company of your little person. Try it: sit for three minutes and watch your newborn trying to focus on you – their parent. You will never have that experience again with this baby after their eyes can focus. You don’t need to say anything, you don’t need to move, but you do need to smile – from your heart. It’s not hard.
Taking this step is the first one of many to build your role as a parent into the most enriching experience of your life.
Don’t worry, if you missed this step. It’s not too late to start again. You can adapt this approach to the age of your child. It’s more difficult when a 12-year-old has not had the benefit of time — what I call zen time — with their parent. And of course, zen time with a 12-year-old is entirely different to that with a newborn or two-year-old, but I’ll cover that in a later article.
If you like to keep a diary, you will want to record the feelings you experience every day during zen time with your child.
My top 4 tips
…for helping you benefit from this experience
1. Try and go outside – the garden, the park – away from distractions to spend this time with your little person.
2. Put everything else that is on your mind into the imaginary ‘later on’ bucket.
3. Remember that this is the most important thing you will do every day
4. Reflect on the feelings that you experienced during this time dedicated to the non-verbal communication between the two of you.
If you’re not convinced this will make a difference to your life, I encourage you to read the next article in this series and let me know how you go in the comments below… I’d love to hear from you.
P.S. If you haven’t already done so, add office@bokbo.com.au to your address book so that you don’t miss out.